


Love is a Hand Grenade

by thehaikubandit



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types, Tomorrow Series - John Marsden
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Australia modern AU, F/M, Multi, Students, What the hell Jehan, and pre Courfeyrac/Combeferre, discussions of death but no actual death it's ok, except for some penguins, nature documentaries are awesome, sort of pre Enjolras/Grantaire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-11
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-25 23:01:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4979992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehaikubandit/pseuds/thehaikubandit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being inspired from a Man from U.N.C.L.E. title card and then thinking about Les Mis, grenades and because I associate those with Tomorrow When the War Began I somehow ended up here. Set in Brisbane because why the hell not? You don't need to know of the Tomorrow series to read this. Enjoy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love is a Hand Grenade

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday to our own wonderful Jehan! I hope that you like this and have a wonderful birthday. Looking forward to seeing you soon!

_It all began when Courfeyrac and I said we wanted to go bush, go feral for a few days over the Christmas Holidays…_

It was a party to celebrate the successful protest against the closure of the local library. The problem was that the jacarandas were blooming and as everyone knew, that meant it was time for exam study. Enjolras and Combeferre had not even bothered to pretend that they weren't studying, sitting at the dining table reviewing their notes. 

Someone had found a copy of The Blue Planet and decided that as a documentary it counted as study, despite the fact that the only science students were medical students. Joly, Bossuet and Musichetta were giving penguins points out of ten for their entry into the water. 

“Minus seven!” declared Joly when the next penguin was eaten by a seal. “Good style, but points off for being eaten.” 

Grantaire proceeded to argue with him that style was the important part and failure in the struggle of life was no reason not to die with plenty of it. He awarded the penguin a very strong eight points and drew up score cards for the four of them.

Jehan lay in the corner on his stomach, typing frantically on his computer. No one was quite sure what he was typing or if they wanted to know. 

Cosette and Marius were being sitting on an armchair together and Eponine was trying to persuade them both to let her kiss them.

“It's not cheating if you both do it, for reasons of healthy curiosity.”

Courfeyrac was in on whatever she was planning and had already found an empty bottle to spin, just in case. 

Feuilly and Bahorel were cooking dinner for everyone, having taken over the kitchen upon arrival, telling Courfeyrac that 

“We know that you want to be a good host, but we also want dinner to be edible.”

From the smells coming from the kitchen there was at least three types of curry in progress and muffled cluttering of plates was a good indicator that it wouldn't be long until dinner was ready. 

Seeing that Eponine's plan was crashing in spectacular style Courfeyrac looked for another source of entertainment. He tried to convince Enjolras or Combeferre to abandon their study to no avail, and ended up sulking next to Jehan.

“So, fun or study?” He asked Jehan.

“Hmmm?”

“What are you writing?”

“Marius' death.” said Jehan.

Everyone turned to look at him, study, penguins and seduction forgotten. Bahorel and Feuilly chose this moment to enter with the food and Courfeyrac stole Jehan's laptop while he was distracted by the fresh naan bread.

He read aloud to the room.

_“...Only Marius remained standing. He was a metre from Javert but he was not watching Marius, confident now that he had the situation under control. I saw Marius' hand slip inside his shirt. I screamed, but no sound came out. I tried again and this time made a horse hacking noise. I knew it was already too late. Major Javert looked across at me, triumphant. I screamed again and at last said his name. It was the last present I could give him: the knowledge that I knew. He looked across at me and gave a scared little smile as if he didn't know what he had done, or whether he should have done it. Javert glanced at him and at the last instant realised: he must have seen the pin of the hand grenade...”_

He was interrupted by a scoff from Eponine.

“Please,” she said. “As if Marius could ever blow anyone up. Like he would even threaten anyone. If he were going to kill anyone it would be through being overly sickeningly in love.”

“I might blow someone up,” protested Marius. “If they were really bad.”

“You mean if they could make love into a hand grenade.” 

“Jehan,” said Combeferre. “Isn't that from the Tomorrow series?”

“I'm rewriting it with us instead,” Jehan replied. “But I've decided that we almost all die. It's more interesting this way.”

“So who dies first?” asked Grantaire at the same time as Cosette asked “Who survives?”

“Well,” said Jehan “The problem is sticking to the original story means I can't kill us properly. But I've tried to do the best I can. Eponine dies first -”

“As if!” she said.

“-And then Cosette survives. Her dad saves her at the last minute.”

Courfeyrac took a plate of food from Bahorel. 

“What do you mean properly?” 

“Marius should really survive as well for the best narrative outcome.” said Jehan. “But I don't know that anyone else would blow someone up where there were clearly other options. And I wanted to die first, but I wasn't sure who else would be able to write it all down.”

“You seem to have put a lot of thought into how we all would die,” said Cosette. 

“It's Jehan,” came the reply from at least five people.

“I hope only that I went fast,” said Grantaire. “I'd hate to be bored.”

“You're joint last,” said Jehan. 

“Joint?”

“You and Enjolras die together by firing squad,” he said. “It's very romantic.”

Enjolras took this moment to go to the kitchen and get a glass of water, blaming his red face on the heat of the curry. Grantaire took a very large drink of his wine.

“I still refuse to die,” said Eponine. “If Cosette survives, I can totally make it. I want to swing in and save her and Marius who is no way going to blow himself up, in a helicopter at the last minute.” She paused in thought. “And I'll take Feuilly as well, he's sneakier then people know. He'd totally be undercover somewhere as an, I don't know, tailor or some shit.”

“I'll write it for you,” said Feuilly. “It helps to guarantee I'll survive.”

“If you are going to volunteer to write it I get to die first,” said Jehan. “I want to inspire you all to fight until the end for me. And I want weeping and cause for the word lamentation to be used.”

“I'll take two options,” said Bahorel. “Either tank explosion or taking out a minimum of twenty enemy soldiers barehanded.”

“I went with the second option,” replied Jehan. “It felt more realistic.” 

“What about us?” asked Musichetta, gesturing to either side of her at Joly and Bossuet. 

“Joly dies in a hospital supply raid gone wrong, Bossuet was trying to make explosives but knocked something over by mistake and you died avenging Joly. Bayoneted, but you took him with you.”

She nodded in satisfaction. 

“And that's why we don't let you make explosives,” Joly said to Bossuet in a very serious tone. “Also because we don't need to explode anything. That too.”

Feuilly was counting. “That still leaves Courf and Ferre,” he said.

“Shot trying to save Enjolras and Grantaire from execution,” said Combeferre, not looking up from his notes. They all looked at him and when that failed, looked at Courfeyrac. Courfeyrac shrugged. 

“My guide has spoken,” he said. 

Jehan was thoughtful. 

“I like it,” he said. “Feuilly, I accept your offer as the party's writer. I can work with this.”


End file.
